Tuesday, April 18, 2006

There's no escaping the WNBA

The WNBA is celebrating its 10th anniversary this season. How do I know this? Because every time I listen to streaming audio of Rangers games over the internet said fact is jammed down my throat during commercial breaks.

You know, it's bad enough that this sort of funny business goes on during NBA games. The league should know by now that none of the middle-aged men kicking back with a beer to watch the game of the week on ABC is going to shell out the cash to watch 10 awkward women play a sport they're not all that good at in the first place. And that's even before accounting for the fact that said ladies will probably celebrate if anyone on either team manages to "dunk" without hurting herself. But if you're watching the NBA, you can at least prepare yourself. You know this lousy sales pitch is coming.

But I'm not ready for it. I'm listening to the NHL! I'm not aware of what looms just beyond the start of the commercial break, and, without warning, there it is: Some poor sap claiming he remembers exactly where he was when the New York Liberty scored a critical bucket to advance to the league championship some years ago. He even remembers the date. Then another guy claiming he too recalls the precise day on which the Liberty did something else not worth remembering. He and his daughter jumped up and down so violently that they broke a vase sitting on a nearby table. Of course, this man is obviously lying. Studies have actually shown that anyone virile enough to produce viable offspring is genetically incapable of watching the WNBA, let alone being excited by said fact. So either this guy's wife cheated on him, or he's simply not telling the truth, whoring himself out to the detriment of us all. Either way, I hate the WNBA.

UPDATE: The first guy was actually in attendance at the first Liberty game at MSG. He reports that he had goosebumps and that it was "more than just a game." The narrator wraps up the ad with a voiceover in which she claims, "The WNBA: 10 years, and so much more." I will now throw up in my mouth.