Thursday, May 04, 2006


This is just too easy.
Surprisingly enough, that clip is no spoof. The "oozinator" is a real product, one which is currently marketed by Hasbro. According to its official description, this modified super soaker is an "[a]ir-powered blaster [that] lets you drench your opponents with powerful blasts of water or globs of gooey bio-ooze!"

Globs of gooey bio-ooze you say? But wait, there's more!

"Sneak up on your opponents with a surprise bio-ooze attack! Just when they think you’re coming at ‘em with water, blast ‘em with a shot of icky bio-ooze! Shoot out globs of gooey bio-ooze and then drench ‘em with water! It’s a double blast attack that’ll keep your opponents on their toes and running during every water fight. With the OOZINATOR blaster you don’t just get soaked, you get drenched!"

The super soaker's pump-action was always a little suspicious. That that particular motion now yields the propulsion of a white goo onto someone's face is a little much, though, even for me. And look at those kids! They're probably oblivious to certain obvious parallels, but they're none too pleased anyway.

Here's the real problem, though. The advertisers must know how ridiculous this item is. They know what everyone over the age of twelve is thinking. So why not just throw us a bone? Would it really have been that hard for the kid with the gun to scream, with devilish delight, "Yeah! Money shot!"? I don't ask for much. Hasbro, I'll be watching.

UPDATE: As per PST's suggestion, I will also accept "In ya eye!" in lieu of "Yeah! Money shot!"