Ohmygodohmygodohmygod...

Why did we trade him? What a tremendous team building exercise this could have been!

Sexpot Anna Benson and her ex-Met hubby are headed for Splitsville after she caught him fooling around with one of her friends, the Daily News has learned.
The naughtiest wife in baseball filed for divorce yesterday from pitcher Kris Benson, who was traded in the off-season from the Mets to the Baltimore Orioles.

"She's completely crushed; she didn't see this coming," said Anna Benson's spokesman, Jules Feiler. "She had no choice but to take this action."

What's bad for Kris Benson could be good for new teammates Miguel Tejada, Melvin Mora and the rest of the O's.

Anna Benson once vowed to sleep with every one of her husband's teammates if she caught him in the sack with another woman.

"I told him, 'Cheat on me all you want.' If you get caught, I'm going to [have sex with] everybody on your entire team," she told Howard Stern on his radio show in 2004. "Everyone would get a turn."

But Anna Benson's spokesman warned the Orioles not to get their hopes up. "I think she was joking," Feiler said.

Nice Try, Anna Benson

I'm going on record now: This divorce report smells like a hoax.

Alabama leprechaun

Very little comment here, except AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA:

VD cartoon!

Disney on Venereal Disease in the 50s. Best cartoon ever?

Festival of Shame

For all you fans of Arnold Diaz's "Shame On You" reports on WCBS 2-NY: Arnold has up and moved to Fox 5. "Shame on you" has been replaced by "Shame Shame Shame," with a corresponding new theme song.
And Diaz makes a conscious effort to say "shame" more.

a rare episode of "mb draws the line"

Wow. No. Tempting--actually, really tempting--but no.

Am I right folks?

This sounds like the setup for a tremendous bit of jihad-related stand-up comedy, but I am having difficulty coming up with the punch line:

Mr. Moussaoui said there were times when a Muslim can lie without being immoral: to reconcile Muslims, to answer "yes" when a wife asks, "Am I beautiful?" and to carry out jihad.

Anybody come up with anything?

In the end, it's a guy juggling and it's the Beatles.

Marvel.

The dangers of overthinking things

Everyone makes mistakes, Sports Illustrated:

While we're tweaking SI: the magazine ran an embarrassing NBA item a few weeks ago. Entitled "True Gauge," it announced: "Want to separate contenders from pretenders? NBA coaches and executives do so by looking at what is key come the playoffs: the ability to protect home court and to win on the road. Subtract home losses from road wins, and you'll find these teams on top." What follows is a list of the teams with the best differential between home wins and road losses; stunningly, these teams are the Pistons, Spurs, Mavericks, Heat, and Suns—the same teams that have the best records in the league. You see, teams play the same number of home and road games, so the difference between home wins and road losses tells you nothing the league standings don't. And yes, a won-and-loss record is a "true gauge" of an NBA team, and it's important to both win at home and on the road; or, you might also say, to win games. Also key, therefore, is to score more points than your opponent; look out for a chart revealing that insight on a newsstand near you.

Usually, I'm a pretty arrogant New Yorker...

...but even I must occasionally admit when the rest of the country's ahead of our game.

March 25, 2006 -- SAY goodbye to "The Tony Danza Show." Danza told his viewers yesterday to "enjoy the rest of the run . . . We are going to finish real strong and enjoy what we have left."
"Danza" performs strongly in New York, but never caught on nationwide, despite getting a timeslot upgrade this season in L.A.

A lot of 80s and 90s television.

Wow. All right. Enjoy.

And now, something genuinely educational

...if still pointless. Where do these guys get the time? Michael Jackson's connection to Sega and Sonic the Hedgehog, revealed!

E.W.A. - Gangsta Gangsta

Not as good as it could've been, but parts of this are excellent.

Mortal Peep Fight

Would I hate these people if I met them in real life?

Probably.

But this is still funny.

Another Snakes on a Plane item?

Yes. But this is all you need to know:

In any event, "Snakes"-ophiles already were hard at work. Chris Rohan of Bethesda, Md., created an elaborate, R-rated audio trailer that lovingly mocks the title and movie. "It's a genius title," Rohan said. "It's so stupid it's great. It invites satire, but it's something you just love. It's something I can't explain. You either get it or you don't."

The audio bit uses a Jackson sound-alike shouting, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!" Soon, the growing legion of fans added their voices as they demanded that that phrase also appear in the movie.

Apparently, the studio got the hint. When Ellis assembled Jackson and others for the recent shoot, the filmmakers added more gore, more death, more nudity, more snakes and more death scenes. And they shot a scene where Jackson does utter the line that fans have demanded.

This movie could change the industry forever.

Two, maybe three people will find this funny

I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!

Oh my. Sure, it deteriorates after the amazing first few minutes, but...

Dear Sport of Women's Basketball,

I don't know what game you saw, but only one of these even came close to actually being a "dunk."

Sorry.

-mb

Official Snakes on a Plane teaser trailer?!?!?!

The midget I saw a couple months ago

Back in January, I went to NY for a couple days and saw a midget impersonate Michael Jackson in Times Square station. I took some pictures, but my camera isn't very good. Thanks, these guys, for getting it right.

Will Wright has outdone himself

Spore looks absolutely mindbogglingly good.

For all you mb fans...

Stay tuned. This will apparently involve me.

Baseball Bugs, revisited

Bugs Bunny: A Baseball Analysis

Chef to South Park: Suck my chocolate salty balls

Good night, Ike Hayes. Score one for scientology, I guess.

I wanna see how they kill of his character.

Much less funny when there are no witches involved.

Yikes.

Somewhere in the Hall of Underrated Saturday Night Live Skits...

...maybe down the aisle from the Centaur Job Interview in a closet, are these Maya Angelou gems:

Is there ever a bad time to post this?

Kripsy Kreme... Burgers

Yikes.

The Muppet Matrix

The end clinched it for me: Worth posting.

This is getting pathetic.

Get over it, Brokeback Mountain fans. At least two of the nominated films were better. Possibly three, I'm still on the fence about Munich.

"My Memoirs of My Geisha"

My favorite McSweeney's piece in a while.

It translates to "need glasses?"

And it probably isn't safe to view at work.

The Best Athlete Ever

Actually, no. But it's probably better that he stays only a little famous.

If you aren't watching 24, I feel bad for you.

That is all.

The New York Knicks are a laughingstock.

Really. This is what laughingstocks are. They get laughed at just like this.

On Crash winning Best Picture...

A lot of people out there are complaining, already. Myself, I would've voted for Good Night and Good Luck, probably before Crash, and both before Brokeback. All were movies that were very good, but somehow lacking. Brokeback was overhyped as a favorite, and this result was thoroughly predictable.

What I like about this is that now, perhaps studios with good movies won't be afraid to release them before November, for fear of killing their Oscar chances. If anything, this should be a liberating experience for Hollywood, one that allows quality films to be released the whole year round.

Live Action Simpsons

Pretty cool, even though it's evidently British:

The next wave in fake trailers... a real movie?

We don't have a real trailer for Snakes on a Plane yet. So someone made one:

This will be the best summer of my life.

Get excited!

Brokeback Orgy!

Parody orgy, that is. Someone found the motherlode.

For your viewing pleasure...

This should about wrap up my dunk fetish period.

The Question of Our Time

Do you link to the bounceometer?

Yes, yes you do.

Nancy Grace makes shit up.

Is anyone surprised that she's a fraud? A victim, sure, but a fraud nonetheless? I'm not.

Well done, NY Observer. (Although you still need to work on your webpage and permanently archiving stories. I'm sure the above link will lead to a story about Todd Bridges or something within a week).

MC Hammer has a blog.

No additional commentary is needed.