And now, a feature I call, "Holiday Cards I Got Several Months Too Late"

Wow.

more from mashup central

As I sort of predicted, someone made an Empire Strikes Back/Brokeback parody. Still not as good as Brokeback to the Future.

Want a tank?

Check it out. At least read the amazing reviews.

Contains Delightful Spoilers!

The Top Ten Most Welcome Movie Deaths. I'm sure I can think of more...

Mashup Central

First, any Requiem For a Dream fans? You're welcome.

Then, there's this incredible collection of collaborations between 50 Cent and Queen.

You heard me.

You'd think this was a generic human interest story...

...and you'd say, alright man, why'd you link this crap?

Stick around to the end, friends, and it will be worth your time. Try not to react.

Don't use webstats4u or nedstat counters on your website.

They used to be my counter of choice. Now, they've decided to embed some sort of intrusive pop-up tracker in their product, ilead.itrack.it or something like that. Goodbye, webstats. I'll find another counter soon.

Looks like other people are also pissed.

Date John Rocker!

Is this real? It's funny either way.

Bravo, Bill Simmons

This is what happens when Bill Simmons plays to his strengths while thinking just outside the box. Bravo.

No wonder!

The Headline: "Indian officials struggle to kill domestic chickens in H5N1 clean-up"

The Reaction: I am not surprised.

Awesome Larry Summers article

Mostly the fantasy baseball part.

Kelly Ripa

...must be controlled.

A Larry Summers post!

I'm sure you've all wondered: What does mb11225 have to say about Lawrence Summers' resignation as president of Harvard? Not much. Except that the Harvard web site offered a curious juxtaposition today:

Let heaven and nature sing!

The Sopranos is almost back!

I wanna see some Pape Sow!

The obvious next step in PopoZao humor.

Polar bears are less funny than grizzly bears

But still pretty funny.

Jerk Central

Phil Mickelson. Who knew?

Here is a better look

...at Nate Robinson, Andre Iguodala and an incredible 2006 NBA Slam Dunk Contest.

What do I do?

Damn you, Ricky Gervais. Why'd you have to love me so good?

I'll probably pony up. It's worth the money. But I won't like it.

Pick the punchline

I can't come up with a good enough line:

Not one, but two WSLS (Channel 10) meteorologists -- Marc Lamarre and Jamey Singleton -- have struggled with a heroin addiction in recent months, according to an interview with Singleton that aired on WSLS's late-night newscast Friday.

Best slam dunk contest ever?

Purely on the quality of the finalists' dunks throughout, maybe.

Darren Daulton, formerly of the Philadelphia Phillies, is crazy.

Wow. Take us with you, Darren.

Dick Cheney, blah blah blah...

...blah blah blah...

The MAN-sfield

I may disagree with it, but this also might be the funniest thing I've ever read in the Crimson:

While men are often associated with aggression, Mansfield said empirical research does not analyze the meaning of aggression, concluding that it is more accurate to say men are assertive.

When a male student mentioned Sojourner Truth as an example of a woman demonstrating courage and freedom, qualities Mansfield ascribed to manliness, the professor asked, “Have you noticed how much more assertive you have been than any woman in the room who has asked me a question?”

A woman who had previously spoken responded loudly, “I beg to differ!”

“That’s right, you BEG to differ,” said Mansfield, without missing a beat.

Just plain mean

I almost couldn't bring myself to laugh at this.

Almost.

Jose Lima's wife

Jose Lima has become a Met for the time being, filling the void created by the Kris Benson trade.

My friend Scott submits the following. I add very little comment, except that Scott's observational powers are among the best of anyone I know.

Scott: "In a tragic turn of events, it appears that this turns into this when the sunglasses are removed."

Nothing funny here...

Just an insightful article about the changing nature of careers and one's 20-something years that struck a chord.

Delonte West, romantic

And a Happy Valentine's Day to you, too.

Reclaiming Garfield

I'm back. Thanks, IBM.

This link from MDM is one of the better comics-related links this side of Comics Curmuedgeon. The basic idea is that Garfield could be a funny comic strip again if you remove all of the Garfield dialogue, and it simply becomes a surrealist cartoon about a pathetic man who talks to his facially expressive cat.

There are several pages. Click through a few. You'll get it with time.

But wait, there's this before I go...

God bless America.

Very few blog posts in the next week...

...as I wait for my computer to be fixed.

"Lotta racial shit this year! Lotta racial shit!"

I enjoyed the film Crash, but yes, sometimes the subtlety lacked.

Chuck Norris: Backstory and some analysis

Linked from the Crank's very good if politically misguided blog, here is the backstory to the whole Chuck Norris thing. The most interesting part is how this all blew up after he switched from Vin Diesel to Chuck Norris:

Then last summer, Ian Spector - the freshman from Brown - invented his Random Fact Generator. He started with Vin Diesel (www.4Q.cc/vin/) Sample: "When mortals rub two sticks together, we get fire. When Vin Diesel rubs two sticks together, we get Christianity."

It went over modestly well. Ian asked his Web audience to nominate a successor. Chuck Norris was the overwhelming favorite.

"It exploded," Ian said this week. "Since last summer we've had 50-million hits. We generally get between 500,000 and 800,000 hits a day."

Count me in the strong but nowhere-near-vocal-enough minority that things Vin Diesel was a superior foil. I'm sorry, but to me "Vin Diesel Is Not Lactose Intolerant, He Just Refuses to Put Up with Lactose's Shit" is funnier than "Chuck Norris Fought The Law, and The Law Never Fought Back." That's just how I roll. Still, I'm glad it caught on enough to give rise to this Saturday Night Live video by the Lazy Sunday/Lonely Island people (whose pretty enjoyable, never-aired Fox pilot can be is available online).

This is the most links I've ever... linked.

"I guess I picked the wrong season to quit amphetamines."

On this unofficial first day of baseball season, get to know the real most significant story of 2006.

Disappointing evening...

Not the best Super Bowl. Really the most underwhelming one since the Rams and Buccaneers. And the halftime show was bad. The pre-game entertainment, which I missed, was apparently also of such poor design as to make one relieved that Stevie Wonder couldn't see it:

It was a typical monument to excess, with a stage more crowded than a train station at rush hour, and was marred by microphones that occasionally malfunctioned. Brightly clad dancers hoofed it incongruously when Wonder sang a portion of his angry ghetto tale Livin' for the City, at one point pretending to fight each other.

Most importantly, the medley format did a disservice to the musicians. They rushed through the songs as if at a fast-food service line. With hours of meaningless pregame hoopla, couldn't they be given five minutes more to finish a few songs

Brack power!

Wow. Where do we even begin?

Down goes Frasier! Down goes Frasier!

Classic, but perhaps not what you expect.

"Grizzly Man" director/narrator saves Joaquin Phoenix

The director and scene-stealer of the best movie of 2005 is still hilarious just by living:

Oscar-nominee Joaquin Phoenix was rescued from his car wreck last week by German cult director Werner Herzog. The 31-year-old Walk The Line star overturned his car on a canyon road above Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood after his brakes failed and he collided with another vehicle. Phoenix was saved because he was wearing his seat-belt, but has revealed he was helped from the wreckage by the 63-year-old, who has a home nearby. The actor says, "I remember this knocking on the passenger window. There was this German voice saying, 'Just relax.' There's the airbag, I can't see and I'm saying, 'I'm fine. I am relaxed. Finally, I rolled down the window and this head pops inside. And he said, 'No, you're not.' And suddenly I said to myself, 'That's Werner Herzog' There's something so calming and beautiful about Werner Herzog's voice. I felt completely fine and safe. I climbed out. I got out of the car and I said, 'Thank you,' and he was gone."

"Christ, what an asshole."

This is just plain brilliant.

Brokeback to the Future

Wow. This is incredibly well put together and funny.
Suggested Followups:
* Police Academy 3: Brokeback in Training
* How Stella Got Her Groove Brokeback
* Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Brokeback

More PopoZao humor...

This time unintentional.

The best intervention ever?

Stephanie from Full House was hooked on meth:

Seeking a "normal" life, Sweetin attended high school and college, and was married by age 20 – to a Los Angeles policeman. But two years ago, feeling bored and being unemployed, she says she began experimenting with drugs and got hooked on meth.

After a three-day "lost" weekend, reportedly followed by an intervention staged by her former Full House costars Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget, Sweetin checked herself in to the Promises rehab facility for six weeks of intense treatment.

"Brokeback Yard"

Oh dear. Brokeback Mountain, as told by someone's dogs.

After decades STOP telegram service does the inevitable. STOP. Stop. STOP.

I didn't even know this had still been available. I would've sent one while I had the chance.

I can't let an opportunity like this pass by again. I need to investigate whether the candygram from Blazing Saddles actually exists, and get on that tomorrow.