It's Giuliani Time!

So I was reading about how Rudolph Giuliani's lackeys lost a playbook detailing his presidential campaign plans. The playbook contained, among other things, a list of potential campaign liabilities, including his second (crazy) and third (slutty) wives. It made me wonder: Whatever happened to the first Mrs. Giuliani?

Ahh, the internet:

(Giuliani's first marriage was annulled after 14 years when, he says, he discovered he was married to his second cousin.)

Wha-wha-WHAT?
And the second and third ones are the liabilities?
How has more not been made of this? It's one thing to be called an adulterer by your one crazy wife, or to actually commit adultery with your future wife. It's another to marry, and presumably engage in 14 years of sweet, sweet lovin', with your cousin.
Could it be that, in some regions of the country, this might actually be an asset? Make Rudy look more like the, ah, common man? Less like a northeastern moderate elite?
Anyway, the take home message remains: Rudy married his cousin. Pass it on!

Rest in Peace, James Brown

But not until M.C. Hammer boogies at your "funeral."

Gerald Ford, dead today...

Ah yes, here's what I was looking for:

It just goes to show...

Folks searching for Saddem Hussein execution video have now learned what Brooklynites like me have known for years: There's always some dude in the room making a bootleg.

"I did wonder, but I didn't want to say anything."

Good job, German genius.

Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue

Holy crap, do I remember this. I remembered everyone's involvement except Huey, Dewey and Louie.

First James Brown...

If these things come in threes, the third one is gonna be a bitch. Unless, of course, it's Castro, in which case, perfectly predictable.

merry christmas anyway.

The Worst Christmas Ever

R.I.P.

Tacky much, IMDB review summaries?

Yikes:

If the public reacts to We Are Marshall (starring Matthew McConaughey and Matthew Fox) the way many critics have, the film will come crashing down like the plane that carried 75 Marshall University players to their deaths in 1970.

And his name shall be called... wounderful, counselor... komodo.

All I'm saying is that I'd be open to a lizard savior if one were to present Itself.

Family Guy's most incisive social satire and Wiz parody yet

Andy Samberg is doing his best to singlehandedly save Saturday Night Live

Unreal. 2006 now has its Lazy Sunday.

About fuckin' time

Thank you, Time, for the honor.

A Charlie Brown Christmas, as performed by the cast of Scrubs

I'm not even that big a Scrubs guy, but this is good. My sister said I'd be hooked by around the 3:30 mark. She was right.

Something for NY sports fans

I've seen this done before (by Rick Reilly and others), but Newsday has an interesting exhibit of the best or most memorable person to wear each number in New York sports.

Street Fighter, The Later Years

Also, this looks awesome

NYC in Sim City 4. For real. For real real. How long until I can drive around it and mess shit up in Grand Theft Auto?

been a while, i know. sorry. now, amusements:

Also: One and two.

Blind soccer!

Wow. Questions:
1. Are the refs blind, too?
2. Do you wear a different-stronger-cup than you would for sighted soccer?
3. What happens if no one can find it?

Feels about a million years ago...

Watching this gave me goosebumps. I will watch this a hundred times before the end of the year. God, I miss how this felt...

Jonathan Coulton...

I sweated this guy here once before, but that was before Youtube entered my life. And so, here is a World of Warcraft video for one of his better songs (NSFW):



And a live version of the cover that brought him to my attention originally:

Nothing truly special about this..

But I enjoy it.

Oh. Snap.

And the Oscar for Most Awesome Movie Ever goes to...

...potentially this.

Best Video Game Trailer Ever?

It's incredible what a little well-chosen music can do:

Bad idea

So the Colorado Rapids have sold their naming rights to Dick's Sporting Goods...

The Mets, meanwhile, have done somewhat better. A relatively respectable corporate name. Utterly inoffensive.

Dear Republican party

Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

The Dog Who Was Addicted to Licking Toads

Unreal.

The dog should watch Family Guy:

Woody Allen and Billy Graham

This is worth watching. As much as I enjoy seeing Letterman beat up on Bill O'Reilly every so often, things like this were much better. Decency and civility and thought and respect and charm and actual conversation. From both.

Smile, please

Why? Why not?
We live in a world of Spanish soccer announcers who take things too far:

And music videos that feature George Wendt cameos:

You know whom I suspect shouldn't have been fired?

This guy.

Madonna

I saw her on the street in New York the other night, followed by a small group of papparazzi. She is absolutely tiny, quite possibly under 5'0. Is this some sort of secret?

So, uh, what have the Juggernaut Bitch guys been up to?

Oh dear.

A belated Happy Halloween to you all.

I have made two decisions

1. I actually kinda enjoy "Deal Or No Deal" after all.
2. Dane Cook has never been funny in his life.

The guy who did the dance in "A Charlie Brown Christmas" --that guy-- had a name

And what a name.

Hidden comedy gem

The Onion's collected weekend magazine covers.

On sports and sportswriting

No matter how firmly Malcolm Gladwell is attached to his nuts, there is no doubt that Bill Simmons has generally lost his fastball and become something of a d-bag in the process. But every once in a while, you're reminded how good he can be when he gets over himself a bit and lays his not-that-brilliant-or-original gimmickry down and writes. This is a stirring example.

Where do I get my sports entertainment these days? Largely here, and increasingly here, and sometimes here.. You should also check out my man Brian Hughes' Fantasy Column, which I think has really hit its stride of late.

Please don't.

NBC, if you cancel Studio 60 so early, I will punch Dick Eberson or whoever's there in the balls.

Kenny Rogers: The lone bright side to the 2006 World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals

Some guy with a camera is laughing.

Another awesome thing about YouTube

Dear AdCritic.com,

You used to taunt me with your premium service that I could not afford.

Now, of course, it is worthless.

Suck on it.

Sincerely,
mb

Does anyone remember the "Oops" segment on Square One TV?

The Peking University Crew team was set to begin its Head of the Charles race. But just before the start, they made a tiny mathematical error. (Arithmetic ensues)

Because of that tiny mistake, just look what happened:


"Oops" is brought to you by erasers. Don't make a mistake without one.

mb recommends

* Sesame Street Old School. A DVD I've waited for for years. Please buy it, so that they will make more (and perhaps soon get going on Square One.

* This neat article about how we know Kenny Rogers cheats, and why it happened when it did, and this tremendous, if dated, guide to the standard pitches in baseball.

* The Complete Twilight Zone on DVD. All 150+ episodes of perhaps the greatest television series ever made.

* This. Immature, yet delightful.

* The best chicken tikka masala in New York.

There's a One Liner Here I'm Just Not Coming Up With

So just watch.

I'll tell you something...

The Audrey Hepburn Gap commercials? And the animated ads for Charles Schwab?

Hate 'em both. Utterly inane.

On Columbus Day, I am clever

Had Columbus been right about sailing to the Indies, the following clip would've served as a post for Columbus Day, Halloween AND Thanksgiving.

Norm MacDonald: An Appreciation

He remains consistently the best talk show guest out there, just ahead of Bruce Willis:

You should also buy his album. It succeeds in making Molly Shannon funny few a few minutes, which is amazing, and the fourth track is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

Top One Letterman Top Ten Lists I've Seen In Forever

1. This one.

Michelle Malkin, Skank

Tee-hee.

Riffs of Reilly

...Is terrible. No one from SI.com, Sports Illustrated or Rick Reilly Inc will read this, but it needs to be said anyway.

Oh, this takes me back...

...wow.

Screech porn

Unfortunately, it's exactly what it sounds like.

He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom "Saved by the Bell." But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.
Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."

Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt, who has brokered some of Hollywood's biggest celebrity-skin deals, confirms that he's acquired the rights to a tape featuring Diamond.

"Just when you think you have seen everything in this business," he tells us, "mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it."

Nancy Grace, Plagiarist

This, on top of everything else.

From suck to blow?

I don't think this is necessarily a good idea.

The new Elmo doll scares the crap out of a dog.

Kenan Lives!

Looka like they got it right after all. Bye bye, Finesse Mitchell.

Nancy Grace, murderer?

I am thoroughly unsurprised.

Not cool.

Humans, the cycle of violence must end with you.

Prospect Lefferts Gardens / Lefferts Manor: It exists

"Where in Brooklyn are you from? ...Huh?"

Naming my neighborhood often prompts confusion, not only on the part of my friends who recently got to NY from Harvard, but also longtime Brooklynites.

The Internet offers hope: Dammit, we exist.

Read and learn.

Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists

Pros: Contains four of my lists, including two previously unreleased on the McSweeney's website. Also, 300 or so lists by other people that are also pretty funny.

Cons: One (Update: Two) of those lists contains a typo of sorts, most definitely not my fault. Another has been edited down some, although that probably turned out for the best. The cover, tongue in cheek (do covers have tongues?) looks like an eight-year-old girl's wallpaper. Back cover isn't much better. Also, they haven't paid me yet.

Verdict: The best book ever, until there is a book written completely by me. Buy it immediately!

Alright, I'll weigh in...

Without the ability to switch off the instant publications of your every action, the new Facebook features suck.

The Easter Bunny Hates You was a corporate creation!

I'm actually a little disappointed.

Though when it first appeared NBC had tried to stop it, "Lazy Sunday" ended up a true viral video - a clip that spreads from user to user on the Internet, like a virus. Eventually it could be seen free on NBC.com and iTunes as well as YouTube.

"I think 6 or 7 million people downloaded it when it was circulated in various places," said Beth Comstock, president of digital media and market development for NBC.

After that, she said, "we took our studio to task and said, `What can you create?'"

The result was "The Easter Bunny Hates You," in which a guy in a rented costume beats the stuffing out of everyone in sight.

"Five million people streamed the video or downloaded it in some fashion," said Comstock. "And if you consider that in a cable rating, that's a pretty amazing audience that in just two weeks something that was not even branded NBC reached an audience."

And it was purposely not branded NBC.

"Because it was a bit experimental, because it was viral, we thought it would be best to try it without any sort of branding," she said. "Because it's a bit more authentic right now."

Ugh.

Recall:

Vote Springer in '80

Are there ever anti-climactic deaths involving animals?

Yes. Rest in peace.

Life update

I am rich (not mentioned directly but affected nonetheless) and famous (actually quoted, so to speak, in the extended editorial reviews section for some reason).

America, you're on notice!

Enjoy, Colbert Report fans.

What's awesome enough to get me to post from Aruba?

This.

(Greetings from Aruba, by the way)

Lorne Michaels has apparently mixed up his black people again

NOOOO! Don't fire Kenan! Finesse is awful! Finesse!

But yeah, even I have to admit that Horatio Sanz has exhausted all of his "A Bear Ate My Parents" goodwill.

And Jason Sudeikis over Seth Meyers for Weekend Update? I don't get it.

Who THINKS of this stuff?

At one point recently, it occurred to me that the whole Youtube thing may get old one day.

At one point recently, I was an idiot.

Eyewitness News in the late 80s / early 90s meets Growing Pains:

And now, one of the greatest moments in television history:

There are no words.

A quiet disgrace...

Has anyone noticed that the Guinness Book of World Records is now complete crap? Once a semi-authoritative and comprehensive collection of world records, it has dumbed-down into a collection of pictures with vastly fewer records and some that aren't even real ("most overrated celebrity").

This is tragic, and the Guinness people should be ashamed. FIX. At least make two different ones each year, one being legitimate.

The Shoe-Bomber Story Hero

Very interesting stuff from SI.com.

Snakes On A Plane

Why are you even reading this? GO! GO! GO! GO!

Go while there are still crowds. Most fun I've had at a movie theater, ever.

Snakes On A Plane

Why are you even reading this? GO! GO! GO! GO!

Go while there are still crowds. Most fun I've had at a movie theater, ever.

Reports of Sesame Street's death may have been exaggerated...

Wow. Via Gothamist, the possibility that Sesame Street may in fact be awesome again:

GTA: Coke

As someone who doesn't have the sort of love-love relationship with their ads as I seem to, say, Geico's, I nonetheless must voice my approval of this:

Head On... Apply Directly to the Forehead!

Explained.

I still prefer good Commercials, like this one:

holy shit, dude

I amend my short list of people never to f with to include Jamie Foxx.

Just in case you were curious...

...the drunk driving jerk who ended the season for Duaner Sanchez is Cecil Wiggins of Miami. You know, in case anyone happens to know him.

Just in case you were curious...

...the drunk driving jerk who ended the season for Duaner Sanchez is Cecil Wiggins of Miami. You know, in case anyone happens to know him.

We're here...

Simple, but brilliant.

Vote for the first one.

Because you are here and bored.

Family Guy voices

Pretty much as advertised.

I am about to tear up here

Holy balls, this is exciting.

Damon Hollins!

Good job by this woman.

Elizabeth Smart rocks

Take that, Nancy Grace.

I was hoping someone else saw this

Little Man = Plagiarism.

Garfield: His Ninth Life

Wow.

Don't get me wrong, I hope they find her and everything...

I just would've picked a different picture. That's all.

Do not look any further if you are attempting to study for the NY Bar Exam.

Otherwise:

The most basic forms of humor, almost perfectly employed

Wow.

The Lost Mac Commercials: About time

There is a great deal of truth to this. Even though those Mac commercials were brilliant, Mac people generally need to shut the hell up some.

My favorite sports story of the year

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Dear Trevor Hoffman,

You are a worthless piece of shit.

Sincerely,
mb

More evidence that the Knicks ruin everyone they acquire

Malik Rose, then:

Malik Rose, Knick:

Courtesy Deadspin.

Stupidest Slogan in the World

Daffy's: "Clothing Bargains for Millionaires."
Why? What does that even mean???

Funnier than Anchorman?

This guy has the advantage of being real:

I was saving this for a special occasion. Apparently, that special occasion is Thursday.

The motion picture event of July. Certainly more cinematic than the original.

Part 1:


Part 2:

More Maury Phobias

Happy 4th!

Here, have some retro Norm: